Warnings on Beer Bottles
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol
bottles, such as:
13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
like an ass.
11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the
same boring story over and over again until your friends want
to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings
like thish.
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in
the morning.
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
the hell happened to your pants.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in
the morning and see something really scary (whose species
and/or name you can't remember).
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big
guy named Chuck.
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the
time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps
of time may seem to literally disappear".
1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
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