Bar Personalities
The Expert
No One can clear a bar out faster than "The Expert".
He's the one who's been there, done that, has the
T-Shirt and the hat. Heck, he even owns part of it!
He knows something about everything and doesn't
hesitate to tell you about it.
The Smokers
People always smoke more when they're drinking. There
are two kinds of smokers; those that chain smoke and
invariably sit next to a non-smoker and the "OPC"
smokers. The latter are the kind who's favorite brand
is "OPC's" (Other People's Cigarettes). They only
smoke when they drink or their wife doesn't know
they're smoking again, so they bum instead of forking
out the three bucks bars charge for a pack of their
own.
The Muncher
"The Muncher" is the one who always parks himself next
to your garnish tray. You never actually see him sneaking
olives and fruit. The tray's assortment just diminishes
and there's always the tell-tale sign of fruit rinds and
cherry stems left behind. They always want to know,
"What kind of free snackies do you have back there?".
The Entertainment
Oh boy, here he comes! You know you're in for some laughs
now. Everyone loves this patron. They practically line up
to buy him a shot to see what he'll do this time. His
visit lives on long after you've called him a cab. Days
later the story of his antics gets better and better.
The Big Spender
"The Big Spender" always buys a round of drinks for the
bar. The tab comes up to $39.00 and he whips out two
twenties and tells you to, "Keep the change. Ya know,
you're a real good bartender!". You feel grateful that
he remembered a tip this time.
The Jokester
"Hey, have you heard the one about..." is their usual
opening statement. The joke is usually the one you told
them last week, but once in awhile they come up with
some gems.
The Complainer
The dog's in the vet again, the car wouldn't start
after spending three hours shoveling the driveway, which
put out his back and wouldn't you know, the doctor's
office was closed and he had to spend the entire night
in the emergency room listening to some old lady complain
about her bursitis.
The Talker
Your bar is full, the lounge and dining room are packed,
and there's a wedding in the banquet room. You're the
only bartender on, have blenders going at both ends of
the bar, and "The Talker" just has to tell you "this
one story."
The Sampler
"Hey, can you make me a Slimy Purple Flying Albatross?"
After you make it they decide that they want to try
something else usually because the one they just told you
how to make didn't quite taste as good as the one they
had in the islands. You just know how bad they're going
to feel in the morning.
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